More Than Just Small Talk
As therapists, talking with clients is the heart of our practice. I understand that completely. But unfortunately, this perpetuates the fallacy that talk is ALL there is to therapy. This can also draw many people away from therapy, thinking that talking to a barber or a bartender will work just as well as therapy.
The truth is that therapists are medical providers. They must earn graduate level degrees, and undergo thousands of hours of supervised training before getting a license, followed by regularly scheduled continuing education credits in order to maintain their license.
Therapy is much more than small talk.
As a therapist, everything that comes from my mouth has an explicit purpose. In fact, I use the acronym LANCE as a reminder that every single one of the sentences that I speak to a client is doing one of these five things:
LEARN (This means gathering information. This is especially true near the start of therapy. Almost everything in the beginning is related to learning about the client (learning the duration, frequency and intensity of the client’s problem, learning about family and relationship history, learning about medical history, learning about traumatic experiences, learning about the client’s habits and typical strategies of resolving issues, and learning about the client’s world in general.)
AFFIRM (This has to do with validation. This means acknowledging and accepting the client’s emotional experience as understandable and real, even if I don’t agree with the client’s behavior or perspective. This means active listening, empathy, and communication to make the client feel heard, seen, and respected.)
NORMALIZE (This means helping a client understand that their emotions and experiences are not inherently wrong but rather common reactions to specific situations. This technique reassures the client they aren’t alone. Normalizing a client’s feelings helps to reduce shame and isolation. It leads to more vulnerability. And it makes it more likely for the client to explore and process their emotions in the future.)
CHALLENGE (This means that I offer gentle, supportive confrontations. I question negative thought patterns, and highlight inconsistencies between a client’s actions and values. And I encourage clients to step outside their comfort zones to promote growth and resilience. This technique is not about being unkind. It’s about helping clients gain new perspectives, take responsibility, and achieve desired goals by addressing internal conflicts and promoting healthy coping strategies.)
EDUCATE (A lot of what therapists do is psychoeducation. We often have to educate clients on how emotions work, educate clients on the consequences of their own behavior, educate clients on how their bodies are reacting to psychological symptoms.)