Finding Peace During the Holidays
We are now in the section of the calendar popularly known as “the most wonderful time of the year.” But for many people, this time of year is filled with stress, grief, loneliness, bad memories, or other feelings that are far from wonderful. Almost all of the maladaptive stressors at this time of year fall into four general categories:
STRESSORS OF RELATIONSHIPS
Family conflicts (bothersome in-laws, toxic relatives, family arguments, etc.)
Parenting issues (keeping kids engaged, time away from screens, etc.)
Romantic partnerships and family gatherings
Divorce or holidays with split families
Loneliness or distance from family and friends
Death and grief over the loss of a loved one
STRESSORS RELATED TO PHYSIOLOGY AND PHYSICAL HEALTH
Holiday weight gain
Staying jovial and engaged while battling sickness or disease
Navigating sobriety during the holiday party season
STRESSORS RELATED TO “STUFF”
Financial stress and overspending
Gift giving and overconsumption
Sensory overload (lights, music, decorations, holiday marketing, overabundance of sugar, Holiday family pajama portraits, etc)
STRESSORS RELATED TO THE SEASON
The anxiety of creating lofty, life-changing resolutions
Post-holiday blues (What happens when “the most wonderful time of the year” is over?)
So what do we do about all of these holiday stressors? I believe it depends on the types of stressors we face. We cannot rationalize our pain away, nor can we use mindfulness to alleviate sensory overload or to battle disease. We fine tune our strategy to deal with the stressor at hand.
Most of our relationship-based stressors are built on crossed boundaries and poor communication. For example, perpetual arguments and other family conflicts are handled by adhering to strict boundaries. (Remember…boundaries represent what YOU will do when someone crosses your pre-established standard. You can’t control others. You can only control yourself. This holiday season, spend as little time as possible with those who continue to violate your boundaries. Be keenly aware of your emotions and your own behaviors, and then speak clearly about your needs and feelings. This is also true when dealing with grief or loss during the holidays. Rather than trying to avoid the thought of a lost loved one, it may be best to gather around family to share positive memories of the one you lost. This acknowledges the feelings while allowing you space to process them in a loving environment.
When it comes to physiological stressors, I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to get out and move around (if possible and the weather permits). We need fresh air and sunlight and movement. I eat WAY too many sweets and cookies and cakes during the holidays, and so I make sure to keep my fitness routine, drink lots of water, and spend some time outdoors. Illness and disease will continue to ravage our bodies, but the physical and mental benefits from moving around outside will do wonders.
For the stressors related to the “stuff” and the “busy-ness” of the holiday, it is important to keep perspective. We need to stay grounded in some of the intangible, but invaluable lessons that abound during this time of year — -lessons such as gratitude, beauty, wonder, joy, and surprise. Children tend to remember awesome experiences more often than awesome gifts. Cultivate new traditions such as holiday game nights, gratitude circles with the kids, creative crafts, or cooking unique treats with the family. These are small but meaningful habits that break the cacophony of the holiday noise.
The season-related stressors include the post-holiday blues and the anxiety of life-changing goals at the new year. Oftentimes, the enormous highs of the holidays lead to doldrums of January 2. We just become emotionally exhausted after the holiday season. Also, the overindulgence of food and drinking and music and extraverted activities can often leave us feeling horrible. One of the best things we can do is to allow ourselves time to rest, and then move slowly and gradually back into our regular routines. When we try to dive headfirst back into our daily grinds immediately after the holidays, we run the risk of burning out too quickly. Also, avoid making a list of large new year’s resolutions that never make it past Valentine’s Day. In fact, instead of taking on so many new habits and practices for the new year, prioritize and pick only one thing you’d like to try this year. THEN, allow yourself a start date of the first day of spring (March 23) as a way to symbolize newness and growth.
I wish you happy healthy holidays and a peaceful new year!